By nature, I’m a regretter. I can map all of my missteps like a hyper accurate geological map, but rarely can I recall the things I did well, or the valid reasons I made the choices I did. That said, I’m trying to be better. I’ve taken on a new mindset at work, one where I don’t assume that I’m responsible for everything. I’m trying to remember to presume good intentions, which is easier than I thought, especially when I remember that most of the things I fuck up are fucked up unintentionally, and usually because I thought I was being helpful in some way. 

As a middle aged, mid-menopause woman; a Gen-Xer, and a recovering gifted student, I have lived a life full of twists and turns, unfinished projects and unfulfilled potential. But, I’ve been around long enough to know we aren’t our potential, and there are many paths not taken, sometimes due to circumstance, sometimes due to indecision, sometimes due to laziness. But, again, I’ve been doing really well since the beginning of the  year as I try to change my focus from the failures behind me, to the failures that almost certainly lie ahead.

This is to say: I’ve been trying to be more positive.

Then came the FAFSA. 

The FAFSA is the destroyer of self esteem. Unless you are Jeff Bezos, there is very little to feel good about when filling out this document. The FAFSA doesn’t care about your feelings as it distills your life down into the balances in your bank accounts and retirement funds and how much you didn’t save for your child’s education. The FAFSA will make you regret investments you made, and rue the ones you didn’t make. 

And the best part? You get to do this all under the disdainful gaze of your teenager, hopeful to get into the school of their dreams, yet sure they won’t be able to go because their parents are financial idiots who didn’t realize that they should have bought Apple multiple times over the past decades.

Add into the mix that this year’s FAFSA is a complete bureaucratic mess, and you have a recipe for tears, slamming doors and uncertain futures. 

So, if you’re dealing with this year’s FAFSA and hot flashes, good luck. Make sure you have a boatload of whatever it is that gets you through–whether it be chocolate, wine or cat memes. And make sure your have auto-delivery or subscription options set up because it was just announced this week that FAFSA information will be delayed further, and won’t be shared with schools until March.